I Don't Think Being an Older Mum Is Selfish!
How old were your parents when they had there first child? Mine were 22 and 23 when they had me, the oldest of 3 girls. They had been married only a year when I came along and you will find that most there friends followed suit by having their children in their early 20’s.
I was 28 when I had CC and 30 when Cassi came along, partially ancient compared to my parents generation for having your first child but that’s when we felt ready for children, that’s what age I was when it happened for us but I know from experience and from other around me that sometime saying you want to have a baby doesn’t mean one is going to come when you want it.
In the news this week (7th Sept 2019), a 73-year-old lady from India gave birth to twins. Erramatti Mangayamma, a farmer from the southern state of Andhra Pradesh, is believed to be the oldest person ever to give birth.
She became pregnant through IVF and doctors delivered the babies via caesarean section Thursday. Mangayamma and her husband, 80-year-old E. Raja Rao, have been married since 1962 but had never been able to conceive naturally. They approached Umashankar in 2018 and, after preliminary tests were promising, the doctor agreed to give them one round of IVF treatment.
75 is some age to be starting motherhood isn’t it, us mothers know its not easy and when Erramtti should be enjoying the quiet life, she will now have to live the life of these two little bundles. Nappies, feeding, sleeping, repeating. Its hard work for even the youngest of mums, but she has wanted to have babies her whole life so should she have been allowed to even if this meant she my dead of old age at any moment?
There is no upper age for IVF treatment in Britain, although the NHS will generally only support treatment for women up to the age of 42. They do this as the problems that can occur during pregnancy become a bigger risk the older the mother but as we are living longer with better quality of lives should we be more open to older women having children?
Some would say no as with natural, women’s biological clock stops when ever the hell it wants too unfairly for those who have no found their partner, been career focused or generally thought they had more time. Once the menopause hits, you can no longer conceive without a little help.
But many advances in the past several years have changed the landscape: Higher life expectancy, advances in technology and increased rates of egg donations are helping to raise the odds that women in their fifties, and even in their sixties, can have successful pregnancies.
Dr. David Dunson has some interesting findings :
“If they were having sex twice a week, 82% of women aged between 35 and 39 fell pregnant within a year. However, what made the biggest difference was the frequency of intercourse: if women had sex once per week instead of twice, 'the rates of infertility increase substantially to 15%, 22–24%, and 29% for women aged 19–26, 27–34, and 35–39 years, respectively'.
“We know that in general, women aged 35-39 have a reasonable chance of getting pregnant; but when an individual woman aged 36, or 38, tries to become pregnant she might not always succeed..”
A culture I also see regular, is that having a child in your early 20’s is often not promoted so now we seem to have only a small window when “society” deems being pregnant acceptable. There seems to be an unreasonably narrow band of time where it’s acceptable for you to have a child, and this is generally your mid-twenties to early 30s. Otherwise you’re considered to have done it too early and wasted your youth; or you’ve left it too late, and will miss most of the key moments in your child’s life because you’ll be hobbling bout with your Zimmer.
Studies have shown though that being an older mother has its advantages in a more emotional manner, older parents generally used less verbal and physical punishments than younger moms, they seemed to be more patient and understand of situations. Social factors of older parents like income and education and attributed the results mostly to the greater patience and steadiness that comes to adults as they age.
Older parents are more emotional stable, they have a better sense of who they are and unlike younger parents don’t feel that having children has stolen their youth/career/time as they are satisfied already by the time children come along.
I don’t think its selfish to be having a child later in life, most people don’t find their wisdom til they are older and don’t get that feeling of positiveness which is something you defiantly need when bringing up children. My early 20s were spent partying, discovering the world, making many mistakes, not learning from them and doing it all again. If I had had a child in my early 20s I would have missed so much who made me who I am today, it was have been selfish of me to have had a child then, as it was all about me!
Can we just mention the fact that men don’t get the same level of uproar when it comes to having children at a later age, Del Boy himself, David Jason is old enough to be a great grand-dad but is waving his youngest off to primary school this year. He was more likely getting a round of applause for reproducing in his 70s - is this because much less is expected of him, maybe?
I currently have a friend who is in her mid-forties, just about to pop out her second child with a 20-year gap between siblings. I know her extremely well, she has more energy than I have ever had, and she is also head strong and comfortable about who she is. There was a time she didn’t think she would have another child but “surprise”, the world is funny like that.
It was natural and was meant to happen. I would like to add that being an older mother has not made her pregnancy hard, in fact she has had a breeze of a pregnancy (lucky bitch) with far less complications than I ever did in mine. I am so confident that she’ll be a great mum that I’m officially inviting her over to take care of my kids and show me how it’s done.
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