Do I fit into the body positive movement?

Everywhere you look, you can see someone preaching about “body positive”, billions of

scantily clad curvy women on social media declaring they love their bodies just as it is, and the will not be “fat-shamed” but somehow for me, lately I don’t feel that this movement is entirely inclusive any more.

The basic idea of body positivity isn’t bad, it has helped raise the idea that people should not be attacked because of their weight or body shape. That we need to fight the world's idea that being “thin” is the only passable size. That we should all learn to love ourselves as we are, no matter our body type.

Its really not that easy though, is it? I have been feeling that body positivity is a much more cryptic issue than striping off. I get the vulnerability it takes to stand in your underwear or write about your body image struggles, so this is not a judgement of body-positive Instagrammers. They have helped and still do help a lot of people who are struggling to embrace their figure.

I really struggle to “love my body”, I have struggled with the idea that this is how my body is supposed to look like and often find myself standing in front of the mirror, judging myself more than anyone anywhere would. I am my biggest critic and I sometimes can’t look past all the harsh words swimming around in my brain. I cant see myself going from harsh critic to body lover any time soon. I have tried everything - mindfulness, yoga, ignoring the bits I hate but I still struggle to "love my body". Criticising, nit picking, and my insecurities are so deeply fixed in myself that it I feels like an obsession, something I can visit daily in my mind. That I don't look how I want too, that I'm ugly and if I looked different then maybe things would be better. I don’t think I’m alone in thinking this way.

The thing though is, I have forever been called a skinny bitch, I don't over eat and I have never been "over weight" despite all this I still have days when I cant looking in the mirror. How can I support the movement, if I don't love the body I'm in. I do though.

I love that people are out there accepting themselves. I’m a cheerleader to stop the constant emotional abuse us women put ourselves through to achieve a body that society deems acceptable. I’m all about people eating mindfully, stopping these stupid unrealistic diets, and walking away from punishing ourselves through exercise (unless that's your thing, then great). I am there for these women but its a different story when it comes to me.

Instead, I try and focus on my body as what it is, a body. I don’t love it but I don’t hate it either – its just my body and it serves the purpose of being my living capsule, and what I have inside the casing is much more important.

I was taught that being fat is bad from a young age and its hard to rewrite that kind of thinking so please forgive me when I become confused about how you love your body “as it is” because I, a size 10 struggle to see my body as beautiful at times and the idea of striping off and proudly showing my rolls, lumps, bumps and stretch marks is something that leave me in a sweat.

I also have a question, do I fit into the body positivity movement, when I'm a size ten?

The body positivity movement seems more suited to larger bodies, i know it isn't but I haven't seen many bodies like mine promoting it, people who have had years of stigma about their weight so would it be seen as wrong for me to post a picture with #bodypositivity hashtag as someone who has never experienced any kind of fat-shaming but has still struggled with body image since a young child? Would I be thin-shamed? The reality is that the BP movement wasn’t created for me, someone who has never experienced hatred because of my weight. It wasn’t a movement that was made for “skinny” people and if it is I haven't seen it. And as horrid as that may sound, it’s important for us to recognise that it doesn’t have to be centred on "bigger sizes" to be useful.

With more people getting involved, it shows how society's negative idea of beauty has affected everyone. For years, million,billions, myself included, have been made to feel bad about ourselves because we just don’t look like the models, actors and celebs we see.

Body positivity should not be exclusive to size.

Body positivity is about being you, any size, shape or race and being happy with what you have.

Together women are so much stronger, and we shouldn’t sit here and judge them on how they looks.