I don't throw birthday parties for my children

Its March and its our birthday month! Yip, that's right we are all March birthdays. My kids, my husband, me, my nephew, my mother in law, my best friend AND my brother in law (phew) all have our birthdays in the first 2 weeks of March.

Do you celebrate your birthday? Was it always a big deal when you were growing up?

Well for me it wasn’t! I have never been a massive fan of my birthday; I remember rarely being super excited for my birthday as a child. My parents didn’t make a huge deal of it all; don’t get me wrong they did do all the lovely things for us. We got presents and a homemade cake but we didn’t have parties. I was allowed a couple of sleepovers but after my sister pushed the boundaries of one of her sleepovers (let’s say it didn’t involve face packs and ice cream) we were no longer allowed. Cheers Claire!

I do remember being excited for my 18th as I meant I got to use my own ID instead of my friends when I hit the clubs of Glasgow and the student union but on the night I actually turned 18, I was such a regular to all the places we went, they never checked my REAL id! I was so disappointed.

I had friends growing up who always had a party; my best friend's mum when I was a child had a restaurant and always threw the most amazing fun parties for my friend. Her mum would put on a tape that pretty much ran the party, played games and music and we thought it was the best. I now realise as a grown up and a mum that it was pure genius! The parent didn’t have to do anything and I now know why my mum and the other mums also had a good time...they were plastered! HAHA!

I don’t plan on having any parties for my children, I say “I don’t plan” as I am sure my children will twist my arm to get their own way but in all honesty, its looks like so much bloody work!

Cora is at the prime age of birthday parties, she gets invited to one each week (god, her social life is much better than mine) and I see the parents running around stressing that they haven’t “done” enough and that spending a small fortune. The average price of these parties is over £300. Your child will no doubt spend whole party crying, because, well that's just what the birthday boy / girl always does, isn’t it? I just don’t want the hassle or the politics of it all.

Now I say politics as I am sure anyone of you that has hosted a party for a small child or been to one, certain things become issues that you never thought would be for you. We once were invited to a shared party and only knew one of the children, we did not know if we were to provide a gift for both children so we played it safe and got both a gift. Turned out we didn’t have to do that but I just wouldn’t have wanted to be the only one not to bring a present for both! Can you imagine the looks I would have gotten in the playground, oh the shame! (jks)

There is also the invite dramas, I went to a very small school so it was easy to invite the whole class (only 8 of us) if you wanted too but now, well Cora has 30 plus friends in her class and how do you select the ones who come?

Do you invite the ones who invited you, ask my daughters and she recites a random list of only the children names she can remember and doesn’t even play with or do you invite the whole class hoping that most of them will not turn up/decline...can you see the dilemma?

This is the big one for me though, I have to awkwardly talk to parents I have never met before, for like two hours. No matter what you talk about with the other parents – work, celebs, Donald Trump – it'll come back to the only thing you have in common. The children. You will also always feel that their child is doing better than yours.

He's only four, yet he can speak 10 languages, dive off the high board, and is taking part in his first marathon. Your child is still yet master a fork but little Timmy is planning on climbing K2 in the summer. I struggle with small talk so badly and I don’t want to come across as rude but when you are socially anxious and extremely shy the impossible task to interact with grownups whilst having to refill bowls of haribo, make sure the kids are not killing each other AND the parents aren’t bored stiff (they will be) without looking like you’re a right moody cow is a hard task. My stress face can put Victor Mildew to shame, I can’t do it.

So this year, we are going to do what we have done every year before. We are going to fake a party for my children.

We go to granny’s house (venue) and the cousins come round (guests) and we have a piece of cake (probably Tesco’s) and call it a party!!

I don’t know how long we will get away with it for, as I said I think in another couple of years the children will catch on and start twisting our arms but till then I am extremely happy that I am not hosting a child’s birthday party.