Its Chrriiiiissstmas!!

It's officially December so I can throw myself deep in to the merriment that I have been patiently (not really) waiting for.

The tree is up, the elf has moved in and am also nearly finished my Christmas shopping. 

The last couple of years I have missed work Christmas nights outs due to being pregnant. So tonight am out for my one and only night out. Its an unofficial one as I was unable to make the real one due to childcare issues (story of my life) so tonight some of the girls from my work and myself will be hitting a reunion night in town.

The night is based on a very popular nightclub "back in the day" in Edinburgh called EROS. I was not in Edinburgh at this time- I was only 16/17 so was an innocent school girl but I still remember the music well. Think "castles in the sky" and "pretty green eyes". Not really my kind of music, I preferred bands but its going to be fun any way. 

I now have the kids stinking cold and cough...knew it would happen on the one weekend I actually have plans. I so rarely get out since Cassi-man has been born. I used to be out all the time.

Pubbing, clubbing and the likes. Days of hangovers and drunken memories.

They are very rare now and very thought through.

"Is it worth it?" the tiredness, the headaches, the kids.... all question that repeat over and over in my head when thinking of a pending night out of the house. Also THE FEAR! The fear you did something so awful that the world will judge you forever! When in reality you properly only pulled some questionable moves on the floor and ate a greasy kabab! ha! 

The fear is a real response though and I suffer so bad from it at times that I shake and cry because I feel so awful. I did a little survey at work and ALL the women have the same response. 

We are all pretty sensible and apart from the little small stories of falling on the dance floor, we havent had anything awful to recall. 

The story of the young girl who took a poo on the dance floor of a well known Edinburgh night club sprang to our minds that in reality we have never had anything to really worry about.

I have been practising mindfulness for the pass 3 months to help with my anxiety and help the over thinking that comes with it.

I feel its really helping me combat the fear and guilt and helping me relax and come to terms that its better for me, my mental health if I do think about me. If am happy and relaxed, surely I will be a more happy and relaxed mum?

I use the app feeling good. Its a free app that is run by the NHS. It has many sound tracks to listen too and gives u the option to purchase more tracks at 1.99 each. I have managed to go through the whole thing, all 12 tracks and I can say its worth the money (this is not a spon post, it was a recommended by the doctor)

I listen to it every night as I go to bed. It helps me stop overthinking as I try and fall asleep. I feel I actually sleep better as my mind is clear as I drift off. 

It has also helped me control my mind, put things in to prospective. I am allowed time to  time to myself, i am allowed to have a night out, I am allowed to lie in my bed and have my husband do all the things I normally do while I sleep off a night or partying and dancing.

Am sure I will write a post about the wonderful time I had or maybe a post about how awful I felt after it.

Go out gals - have fun and remember you're not the girl who shit on the floor...well unless you are hahaha!