Miscarriage Awareness Month

October is Miscarriage awareness month – this month allows the women who have felt they needed to be silent to talk about the grief a miscarriage can bring.

Miscarriages happen to 1 in 4 women, and I am one in 4.

I have been very open about my journey to have my babies; you can read my miscarriage stories here.

The reason we are advised to not tell in the first 3 months is because the risk of miscarriage is so high. If we say we are pregnant then we have to also then discuss that the pregnancy has now “ended” and we don’t want others to feel uncomfortable, do we?

Its an uncomfortable chat for anyone, telling others that the baby you were growing has “failed to thrive” and you will no longer be a mum but what about us? The sufferers? Are we to just move on and forget about the whole thing happened, like you were never pregnant in the first place?

This feels wrong.

The first 12 weeks are tough for most women because of tiredness, sickness, and the other horrid symptoms that come with the first few weeks. Letting a few friends know may help ease the stresses and you will have someone to talk to about it. And if the pregnancy does end, you would have a group to support you through the rough times.

You may also want to tell your boss about your pregnancy if your job requires you to do tasks that could be dangerous for a pregnant lady. I worked with essential oils and they can be very dangerous in the first few weeks or even some throughout pregnancy. I also wanted them to know if I throwing up all over the place, why that was.

After my friend shared the news of her pregnancy with me, I thought back to the many exhausting days that came in the first trimester with a toddler. With her telling me about her pregnancy so early on, I would be able to help her out by maybe doing the odd nursery run or much needed child break when you feel like death and need to be only lying on the couch. If she hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have been able to offer her my help during these few weeks that really do suck big hairy balls.

As far as rules go, I don’t believe that a woman should feel bad for telling friends and family they may need support at this time. I told close friends and family almost immediately due to the my recent miscarriages I felt I needed the support “just in case” but decided not to announce it on social media at all, this worked as due to my anxiety of miscarrying again I was worried about having to tell well meaning people my disappointing news again and making them feel uncomfortable, again.

Announcing your pregnancy can be done in any you are most comfortable with. One of the biggest reasons telling of your pregnancy early is that if the worst was to happen, you would have their love and support in that awful time. I found out how strong a women I was after going through my miscarriages but I am so glad I had everyone around me when they happened, my friends were there when i needed their support with dealing with my recent losses. While risks of miscarriage lessen as time goes on, losing a child at any point during pregnancy is difficult to endure—let alone without a support network that is aware of your struggle.

We are silenced in grief for a baby we never got to hold or even talk about.

The beginning of pregnancy can be both exciting and scary. Try to relax and enjoy the start of a new beginning. A lot of women choose to tell of their pregnancy after the first scan at 12 weeks because the risk of miscarriage is reduced and their “bump” is making an appearance. The choice is up to you though, I feel many will still choose to tell at 12 weeks as “that’s just what you do”.

Whether or not you tell the whole world right away, make sure to tell your doctor if you’re pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Go to your appointments, take your folic acid and vitamin D, and try and keep up with eating well and exercise, easier said than done if every food but chips and pasta make you sick.

Try to take care of yourself, do what’s right for you. No matter when you decide to talk, it’ll always be a reason to celebrate.