Stop asking if we are having more children.
Updated: Oct 22, 2018
Well its official, another royal baby is on the way! That happened quick, didn’t it? It was only 5 months ago they tied the knot which means baby pretty much happened after the first try.
picture from Town and country Magazine
As we know most people aren’t that lucky, with miscarriages happening to 1 in 4 women and the average time of conceiving being a whole year, I was as surprised of the news as the next person.
This got me thinking, that often after a wedding people start asking”when are you going to start a family?” I hate this question as it’s fully loaded and most the time the happy couple are left feeling awkward in their answers.
It’s the same as someone asking if you plan on having anymore children, its none of your bloody bees wax! Chances are the answer will leave both parties wishing they hadn’t asked.
I talked before about people opening in talking about baby loss and miscarriages and this is why I hate these questions, you may not want to tell your story, are not ready or in many cases it’s because the other person is just being nosy, doesn’t know what to say and “are you having anymore?” is up there with talk of the weather. Its fluff to fill a silence but it’s inappropriate and just has to stop.
My husband often asks this question and I away tell him off, he is genuinely interested in if the person is having children or more children but I explain to him, many times people don’t want to be reminded that they haven’t got there yet. I have no idea why people think it is perfectly OK to ask a woman about filling their womb, particularly after a couple has got married.
You just don’t know if this simple question will invoke pain, grief, sadness or frustration. They could be dealing with health issues, relationship issues, under stress or the timings are all wrong. They may be undecided on having children or in the in the middle of a battle as one of them doesn’t want them and the other heartbroken by this. OK, the question may not bring all this but I can tell you from my experience and the 3 long years of loss, heart break and disappointment before we welcomed our 2nd child into our family, it will more than likely will.
Chrissy Teigen, model and wife of musician John Legend, opened up about the couple's fertility struggles on TV earlier this month.
Speaking to Tyra Banks, who has also spoken publicly about fertility, Teigan warned people about probing into other's private lives.
"Anytime somebody asks me if I’m going to have kids, I’m like, ‘one day, you’re going to ask that to the wrong girl who’s really struggling, and it’s going to be really hurtful to them'," Teigan said. "And I hate that. So, I hate it. Stop asking me."
So if you are a well meaning friend or a chatty mum in the playground, it’s really no bodies business but the couple involved. If the person wants to tell you they would tell you and if you really want to ask them, don’t. Sit back and let them be the ones to tell you first on their own, after all it’s their story and it might not be ready to be told yet.
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