Story of a lonely mum
Hands up if you thought having your second child would be as social as having your first?
Yip? Not just me then?
When I had my first child, a beautiful daughter who looked like a doll but had a tempter of a grumpy old man.
I enjoyed long leisurely play dates with mums I had met at anti-natal classes. (Big up the nursery mums!)
I was lucky and had many friends who were in the same boat as me. All 4 of my girlfriends had babies in the same year so we spent maternity leave at each other’s homes and wondering the days away window shopping and drinking tea and eating cake.
Flash forward to baby no.2!
With a 3 year old there is no baby snuggles and long lies each morning, I have to do the nursery drop offs (“up, up, eat your breakfast, where have your pants gone?”)
No pointless classes that the baby sleeps through (lesson learned with first baby- waste of money also I have too much washing to do)
All my friends are back to work and are so busy living there life with children I hardly see them (I am in the same boat! I hardly even have time to speak to my husband)
So here is where am going with this, dam it’s lonely!
After nursery drop off I head home and Cassi goes for a nap. He’s a fantastic sleeper, often sleeping 2 hours plus in the morning. This mean am stuck in the house and just get on with housework. I keep the house pretty tidy, so am normally done by the time Cassi gets up.
He needs fed, changed and cuddled after a nap so that’s my morning gone- all without any contact with adults.
After lunch, I take Cassi for some fresh air and maybe the shop for a fridge top up.
He goes back to sleep for another hour then time to pick up at nursery.
Snack, play, dinner, tidy, bath and bed take up the rest of the day and then relax...
We all too easily see us just reducing ourselves to a role as a “mum” or “dad” and forgetting about the achievements in our life that gave it meaning. (Being a parent is a very big achievement but we all know it shouldn’t define us) We miss the large social groups of friends we saw most weekends, where our Friday nights were spent holding ourselves up and not holding the baby. Yes, these days are behind up and we properly wouldn’t have the energy or desire to spend the weekend partying every weekend but our mind will often day dream of a more carefree and wild time.
We have lost the child-less friends along the way because they just can’t take our excuses at turning down yet another last minute night out. They don’t understand, they don’t know.
Loneliness can have a knock on effect – leave you with little confidence and affect your mood. It’s easy to fall into a cycle and routine especially when kids are involved of staying in, declining invitations and losing yourself in parenthood. We also don’t often talk about it, smiling politely and commenting on how busy we all are.
I often have to pick myself up and drag Cassi and me to our local toddlers once a week but when am there I really enjoy the day out on these days.
It took a while to find a toddler group I felt comfortable going too. I am not young but to many I appear younger (hello, good skin care routine) and I felt judged and patronised at time in some of the classes and groups I attended.
This one I go to has like minded mums and I feel at ease sometime just sitting quietly as Cassi sleeps or I enjoy a wee chat with the mums I have made friends with over the years. I know they are like minded after a very boozy mum’s night out ha-ha!
This one group a week gets me out the house, add this with my 3 work days it really helps battle the lonely blues.
I also put music on and dance like a loony to help raise the mood (reliving my youth?) and pretend am a pop star...ok that’s just me then. 😜😜🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂
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