Supermum....
Well winter is upon us.
The nights are dark and the weather shite. It also means the plague of germs are building greatly and am right bang in the middle of Snot, sniffs and cough.
I rushed to out of hours on Saturday with my wee boy, he was so poorly. Barking cough, off his food and coughing up anything he did manage to eat. He also had a high fever that was not budging with the help of pain relief.
Turns out he had croup and was given some very nice smelling steroids (hmm cake) and we were sent on our way.
The steroids helped - he slept longer than 15 mins at a time for the first time in 2 days. We were exhausted.
Fast forward to today and my little girl slowly got sicker as the day has gone on. Temp, cough and just lying on the couch.
She fell asleep (this never happens) and slept for 3 hours. Woke up and still ill. No nursery again tomorrow for my little cherub.
This brings me to this post.
I hate sick people! I hate being around people who are ill, say they feel ill or people who look ill.
This goes way back, when i was diagnosed with OCD as a very confused 14 year old. It started with my gran passing very suddenly and I guess this was a way of me trying to take control of a situation. I had no idea what i was doing and my family had no idea what i was doing. Bleaching my room, cleaning body routines and not wanting people to touch my stuff or go in my room. I was a nightmare.
My family just hadn't heard of anything like this. I was scared of germs, scared of dying.
Fortunately I got help and it all eased up...didn't go away but is manageable.
Having children brings out the germ fear again.
The need for control.
I must stop my children from getting sick and dying.
Extreme yes but in a mind of someone who has had OCD and still has OCD tendencies its a very real fear.
I am very able and I know I can look after my sick children in a way that's both sensitive and calming to them.
Inside though am freaking out!
"Whats wrong?" "Are you OK?" I must say this a 100 times a day. Its soul destroy. Its emotionally draining.
My daughter just shouts "AM FINE!" *sigh*
I googled non-stop today adding to the anxiety but then something clicked.
Even though it feels like am the only one insanely worried about the health and well-being of the children, I am not.
Thousands of posts flood my searches, some more crazy than mine.
Mumsnet and other sites alike have many over anxious mothers looking for answers.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be "perfect" and if you look through all the posts, questions, forums, searches we are all looking for answers.
All unsure what to do.
All flying on the seat of our pants.
We know our kids, its hard wired in us as mothers to go into auto-pilot when we see danger, fear or sadness in our children.
This includes sickness.
How many times have we put our hands out to catch puke...wiped snot with our bare hands...smeared shitty runny poo all over ourselves and not even thought twice about how gross it is or that there is any other way to do it.
After my overthinking moment of the day (this was no.43 of the day but who's counting) I thought why worry. I got this...COME AT ME GERMS.
Just don't get me sick....that's a whole other post!
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