The Broody Mum

It started a couple of weeks ago; it briefly entered my mind and then was gone.

As the days went on the urge became stronger, I hate to hide this little secret.

I searched the internet looking for a fix, it only made it worse. I started to see them everywhere and often had to use my own strong well to not approach them, I had to stay strong.

I could not tell anyone, it was something I had promised never to do again but something was pulling me back to the feeling that had become so familiar for so long.

I can’t even talk to my husband about it; he would leave me I’m sure, I want another baby.

As I have written in a past post, see here. Having my second child was not as straight forward and enjoyable as having my first. With multiple miscarriages, I was pregnant on and off for over a year with no baby at the end of it. I was then pregnant with Cass and that made it almost 2 years of being pregnant, can you even imagine?

As the journey for Cass had been long and hard, I declared that I would not be going through this again and two was enough! My husband agreed, the poor guy had to listen to a pregnant, hormonal or emotional women (sometimes I was all 3) for the whole time. I don’t blame him for not wanting to go through it again.

Ask any woman who has experienced it; broodiness is a real emotion and at times a physically painful one too. It can leave you with a real longing, a feeling you are not whole and get lead to a very dark place. It’s strange uncontrollable force.

 Broodiness is also an effect of hormones, especially between the ages of 21-30. This is seen as peak fertile time in women and the body of women are ripe and in search of a seed. This is not true in every woman though, I know plenty who simply have never had the urge or don’t like children. These people have been known to not develop the hormone urges us wannabe baby makers have.

I fear I will have to go through a grieving period, mourning the stage of life that is truly over. It’s going to be hard I feel, I am lucky I already have my two beautiful children. They keep me busy and believe me I know I am crazy for wanting to throw another child into the already hectic life we have...but I still feel like I have love to share.

As the children grow, I will get more freedom. I have seen it with my friends who had their children young. There social life is back on it and they actually have time to be two adults together. They can relax ever more slightly as the children are more independent and of course they can sleep in whenever they want!

My mother had my sister and me and 8 years later decided to have another, my sister Hannah was born and my mum had to go through the whole baby thing again. My parents are baby daft BTW and my dad and mum, who sadly had multiply miscarriages like me, would have had a lot more kids if God had allowed it.

I bet I am the same! My children will be young adults and I will throw a baby into the mix, classic Gail!

For now though I must continue secretly ogling babies in the street like a creep and have strength not to approach the stranger, who is a new mum and scare the life out of her with my in-depth questions about her birth.

It’s all new and this is the next stage, I will try and embrace it.

Don’t mind me now though, I am just away to sniff my sons head....