The Dreamer Mum
Do you have a dream?...... Or is it now a case of “i had a dream”?
As we get older do we lose our dreams and channel our attention towards creating achievable substandard goals as a result of 1000 knocks/ knockbacks/ “reality check” conversations with loved ones and the woman (once girl) in the mirror. If so is there in fact anything wrong with that?
As a child, I had dreams of being on the stage. The dream was to perform in musicals, to sing but sadly I wasn’t blessed with a voice that could make that dream possible. My voice is ok but nowhere near the standard a performer in a west end show needs, that dream was dead before it even started but as a child I still warbled away to every song, I was still going to try.
As we grow reality hits and we realise some dreams just won’t come true, like how could I be a singer if I couldn’t bloody sing! Don’t get me wrong though, if a bloody good song comes on I still give it my best (it’s not good) try.
My parents kept it real, they listened to me sing and even sent me to singing lessons but were very honest - “honey, it just isn’t going to happen”
They didn’t break me though; I was going to be the next Sarah Brightman, duh! (I wasn’t)
As I got older I began to rationalise and concluded that unless I got a voice transplant I wasn’t going to be a Broadway star....huff!
That’s it though, as adults we are able to rationalise whilst as children we feel invincible, that the world rotates around us, that anything is possible (in a lot of circumstances anyway).
For me anxiety has been my biggest dream killer, the negative thoughts are soul destroying. They suck all my positive energy; stop me from looking for answers and moving forward and finding any happiness in anything that I do and it doesn’t matter what anyone says as anxiety grabs the joystick of my mind and trumps everything. This kills off any dreams as I just don’t see the point at times.
With all that said, lil Miss anxiety has been thrown in the closet a few times. When I retrained in beauty therapy, on the first day we did a little icebreaker exercise consisting of “where you wanna be/ what are your dreams”. I drew a picture of myself getting married, I drew a picture of having my own family and a picture of my own house.
Now although I am a firm believer that you cannot force fate in respect to love and marriage etc (as its truly a blessing that a few lucky people have been fortunate to experience) I do believe that you can put yourself out there and play your hand. Years on I find myself surrounded by 2 beautiful children in my own house with a loving husband so in essence I have achieved what I sought! Or at least what I allowed myself to dream at the time and I do feel bloody lucky!
Things are changing though, after my children I decided I didn’t want to spend the rest of my adult life just being their mum (although of course this is a major responsibility) and I didn’t want anxiety to stop me from finding happiness in something else, I just didn’t know what though.
I know I am not the only one who has stopped aiming “high” so not to face disappointed - I started small.
I started my blog
This blog started as something for me and its growing.
People are reacting, interacting and connecting with me, it’s crazy! I am starting to dream again of the possibilities of this little site and my instagram page.
I have met amazing people, been to incredible events and got to work with wonderful small brands, it has been a dream. I never thought this could happen and I have no idea where it will go but I think it’s something good.
This is a new moment in my life and I am taking control or at least trying too. I have to give myself time and be honest with myself.
Something’s just don’t work but I have started to dream again, started to see more of a positive future. I have days of doubts and sadness but I now have something I can focus on and its helping. I think I am also finding that its more so about allowing yourself to dare to dream as within that process we give ourselves hope and although hope can be a dangerous thing it is also one of the most beautiful things that we posses as human beings!
I have something for me and that was what I was looking for. Now alongside my tittles of wife, daughter, sister, mum – I am now something else which is solely for me.
I am MumForce.
Remember you can find me on Instagram @mumforce
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