You're my best friend, mummy

I wrote before about my journey of becoming a mother of two and how it wasn’t an easy one.

Life with two children couldn’t be more different than I could have ever thought.

CC was a difficult baby and I was a new first time mum trying to understand what the bloody hell I was doing. My anxiety was an all time high and I found it very hard to relax as it was all so new.

I was rushing around, trying to go to every class I could fit in and forgetting to take time to soak up the sleepy milkiness of my newborn.

We have an incredible bond though.

Just ask my husband-no one gets a look in. It’s all about mummy; I have never been or felt more popular.

I find this very exhausting though,

I am the only one who can pick her up from nursery.

I am the only one who can hold her hand

I am the only one who can read her a story

I am her best friend as she tells me every day.

This is probably my own fault, I was trying so hard to be the “perfect” mother I didn’t let anyone else do a thing. What a nightmare!

Cassi has been so different, maybe its second child or perhaps cause he’s a boy? Could it be because I am more relaxed (thanks to a nice dose of the happy pills)

He slept through the night at 9 weeks and has done since except a couple of nights when blocked noses were an issue and one bout of croup. He sits happily for hours (no joke) playing with his toys, “chatting” to me and his sister or his current favourite activity watching the washing machine on a spin (strange boy).  

CC shows no real interest in him. I don’t have pictures of the two of them together much as CC just doesn’t see the point in him yet. He smells and takes up precious mummy time so there!

I never thought the pre-schooler would be my biggest worry, is it a first born thing? Will I always be that way with her because she will be the one to experience the firsts first? Will Cassi have the joy of a more relaxed mum because I have been through it all before?

I am the oldest and I guess I can relate.

I felt my younger sisters got away with so much more than me, even now I feel the pressure to show an example to them. They are both grown women and in some ways more capable in some life skills than I am.

I lack confidence and over cautious, often avoiding risks where I find my youngest sister grabbing life and not scared of the repercussions. She’s so cool too. (Totally uncool of me to say that)

Have I done the same to my daughter? Created a world of worry and anxiety, where she will also chose to over think every aspect and Cassi float by with the confidence to take on the world.

This post has really got me thinking.

Maybe I can stop this cycle and help create a wee girl who’s willing to let go of my hand but on second thoughts maybe an not ready to let go.